DYING FOR FAME!
TV CHIEFS ACCUSED OF COMMERCIALISING MASS MURDER AS NEW GAMESHOW PITS CONTESTANTS AGAINST SERIAL KILLER! TALENT SHOW FOR MURDERERS PLANNED!
PORN AGAIN!
‘NUNS’ SOLICIT FOR SEX AS RENEGADE PRIEST TAKES MISSION TO RED LIGHT DISTRICT! SINNERS SAVED AS DIVINE SEX OPENS GATES OF PARADISE!
UNDEAD AND BURIED!
NOTORIOUS SERIAL KILLERS RETURN FROM GRAVE FOR MUDEROUS RAMPAGE! SUSSEX MAN FIGHTS UNDEAD CHILD KILLER AND ZOMBIE MASS MURDERER!
BURNING ISSUES!
FIREFIGHTERS ACCUSED OF FIRE-BOMBING HOMES TO DRUM UP BUSINESS AND SAVE JOBS! TORY MP ALSO CLAIMS POLICE COMMITING CRIMES TO BOOST BUDGETS!
MURDER MOST REGAL!
WAS SENILE QUEEN MUM MURDERED TO SAVE ROYALS FROM NAZI SEX SCANDAL IN JUBILEE YEAR? SENSATIONAL CLAIMS OF ROYAL EUTHANASIA!
CELEBRITY PORN ADDICTS!
PORN DELIVERED BY TRUCKLOAD TO OBSSESSED STARS’ HOMES! ARE CELEBRITIES IN DANGER OF OVERDOSING ON HIGH QUALITY SMUT?
HOT CROSS BLAIR!
PRIME MINISTER PLANS TO ANSWER CRITICS WITH OWN CRUCIFIXION AND RESURRECTION! PROMISES TRUE MORAL LEADERSHIP FOR NATION AFTER ASCENSION TO HEAVEN!
OPERATION LONDON FREEDOM!
BLAIR PLANS MILITARY ACTION TO OUST LONDON MAYOR - FEARS PROLIFERATION OF EVIL ‘CONGESTION CHARGING’ SCHEME!
YELLOW BELLIED PRESS!
TOP TABLOID EDITORS CLAIM GROSS INVASION OF PRIVACY AS CELEBS PUBLISH SECRETLY SNATCHED SORDID SEX PICTURES OF PAPARAZZI!
ALL HANDS ON DICK!
BIG PINK LOVE TORPEDO TAKES BRITISH SUB UP THE ARSE AS ROYAL NAVY WARSHIP GOES GAY! TRANSVESTITE TEMPTRESSES TARGET BRITISH SAILORS!
ARMAGEDDON OUTTA HERE!
US PRESIDENT TO WAGE APOCALYPTIC WAR ON SINNERS! ‘GAY BOMB’ DEVELOPED TO COMBAT INTERNATIONAL DEVIANCY!
HOLY SHIT, HOLY GRAIL!
RELIGIOUS SENSATION AS FACE OF CHRIST APPEARS IN TOILET BOWL! PILGRIMS FLOCK TO FRENCH PUBLIC TOILET SEEKING MIRACLE CURES!
SADDAM AND GOMORRAH!
IS SADDAM'S PENIS THE SMOKING GUN? IRAQI DICTATOR SPOTTED IN US PORN VIDEO! EVIDENCE OF DESPOT'S ESCAPE TO CALIFORNIA OR CIA FAKERY?
TERROR IN LITTLE ENGLAND!
TERRORISTS STRIKE AT BRITAIN'S MONUMENTS IN SNEAK ATTACK ON MODEL VILLAGE! HAVE SECURITY SERVICES EXAGERRATED AL QAEDA THREAT?
BIBLE BASHERS!
MORAL CAMPAIGNERS BAN BIBLE! BOTH TESTAMENTS CONDEMNED FOR SEX AND VIOLENCE! JESUS CITED AS POOR ROLE MODEL FOR MODERN YOUTH!
MAD BAD PRESS!
DECLINING JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS CONDEMNED AS NEWSPAPER EMPLOYS SEX OFFENDER TO SPY ON TEEN REVELLERS!
BARMY PRINCE CHARLIE!
PRINCE CHARLES WARNS OF THREAT POSED TO MANKIND BY GIANT TEST TUBE PENISES BRED BY FEMINIST SCIENTISTS! HAS ROYAL HEIR FINALLY LOST IT?
MAKING A KILLING!
TOWN AIMS TO MAKE CRIME PAY AS IT BIDS TO BECOME EURO MURDER CAPITAL! RELOCATION GRANTS OFFERED TO PSYCHOPATHS AND MASS MURDERERS!
ROUGH JUSTICE!
VANDALS' HOMES VANDALISED AS POLICE DISPENSE ON THE SPOT 'JUSTICE' UNDER NEW ANTI-CRIME INITIATIVE! RETRIBUTION NOT JUSTICE VOWS HOME SECRETARY!
FRIEND OR FOE!
US DESPERATELY SEEKS NEW ENEMIES AS RUMSFIELD REVEALS CONTRACTS FOR NEXT POST-WAR REBUILDING PROGRAMME ALREADY LET! CONTINUED PEACE THREATENS THOUSANDS OF JOBS!
BAD INFLUENCE!
EVIL INFLUENCE OF FACTUAL TV CONDEMNED AS BUSH ADMITS IRAQ INVASION INSPIRED BY WATCHING NAZI DOCUMENTARIES! BIN LADEN AIDE CITES INFLUENCE OF 'JACKASS'!
NAKED AGGRESSION!
NUDE MOB STRIPS CELEBS AS MILITANT NATURISTS 'OUT' SECRET NUDISTS! NAKED BISHOP THREATENS TO SPLIT CHURCH AS BRITAIN BESEIGED BY NUDISTS!
FOREIGN DEVILS!
CRUCIFIX WIELDING MOB STORM IMMIGRATION CENTRE AS TORY MP ACCUSES ASYLUM SEEKERS OF WITCHCRAFT! UNHOLINESS TEST PROPOSED FOR IMMIGRANTS!
HUNGRY FOR FAME!
TOP CELEBRITIES FEED THE WORLD AS FAMINE-STRUCK AFRICAN VILLAGERS FEAST ON FAME! PLANS TO AIR-DROP FAMOUS AND OVERFED INTO REMOTEST AREAS TO RELIEVE STARVATION!
PORNOGEIST!
PORN-OBSESSED EVIL SPIRIT TERRORISES FAMILY! PARANORMAL EXPERTS BAFFLED AS HOUSE ROCKED BY NOCTURNAL GROANS AND ECTOPLASM SODDEN UNDERWEAR!
SACRED FAME!
PRINCESS DI - PATRON SAINT OF ADULTERY? JOHN LENNON - HALLUCINOGENIC SAVIOUR? ANGLICAN CHURCH PROPOSES CELEBRITY SAINTS FOR POPULIST APPEAL!
FRIGHT CLUB!
NEW CELEBRITY CRAZE SCARES CRAP OUT OF HOLLYWOOD STARS! PRICE PUT ON FEAR AS RICH AND FAMOUS PAY FOR FAKE ABDUCTIONS, MURDERS AND TORTURE TO PUT FRIGHTENERS ON THEMSELVES!
BLIND HATRED!
WAS POLICE CAR IN FATAL CRASH DRIVEN BY BLIND OFFICER? FURY AS NEWSPAPER CLAIMS PUBLIC AT RISK FROM GOVT POLICY OF EMPLOYING DISABLED IN EMERGENCY SERVICES!
GROUND ZERO FORCE!
FROM REGIME CHANGE TO MAKEOVER! UK TO SEND IN TV HOME IMPROVEMENT GURUS TO RECONSTRUCT IRAQ! PLOT TO PRICE LOCAL DISSIDENTS OUT OF HOUSING MARKET?
CLOWN PRINCE!
RIGHT ROYAL RUCKUS AS FAKE BUTLER REVEALED AS COMEDY TERRORIST! CRAPS IN PRINCE CHARLES' BED AS PART OF PLOT TO BRING DOWN MONARCHY WITH GROSS TOILET HUMOUR!
THE LONELIEST ART!
MASTURBATORS CLAIM SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION! CALL FOR FOR PUBLIC ACCEPTANCE OF ONANISM AS LEGITIMATE SEXUAL ACTIVITY!
SLEIGH RIDE TO TERROR!
US CITIES ON YULETIDE TERROR ALERT AS PLOT TO HIJACK SANTA'S SLEIGH EXPOSED! ARE SANTA'S ANNUAL ALTRUISTIC ACTS COVER FOR GIANT CRIME NETWORK?
DEAD PRESIDENTS!
PRESIDENT ADVISED OWN ASSASSINATION IS KEY TO RE-ELECTION! MUMMIFIED BUSH TO RULE FROM PYRAMID FOR SECOND TERM? CONTROVERSIAL STRATEGY REVEALED!
DISABLE BODIED!
OUTRAGE AS NEWSPAPER EDITOR CLAIMS DISABILITY A BLESSING IN DISGUISE AFTER SPENDING WEEK IN WHEELCHAIR AS PART OF SOCIAL EXPERIMENT!
BLOODY FOREIGNERS!
BRITONS EMIGRATE TO THIRD WORLD TO RETURN AS ASYLUM SEEKERS FOR PRIORITY HOUSING AND HOSPITAL TREATMENT! TELL OF INTERNMENT AND DEPORTATION ORDEAL!
BAD TASTE!
BROWN TROUT ON MENU AS TORY MP ADVOCATES FEEDING CHILDREN TURDS TO BUILD UP IMMUNITY TO DISEASES! DOCTORS FEAR EXCRETA EATING COULD BE DANGEROUS NEW DIETARY FAD!
HOLY TERROR!
HOLY WAR ON TERROR DECLARED AS GOVERNMENT INVOKES WITCHCRAFT ACTS! NEW ANTI-TERROR MEASURES TO INCLUDE DUCKINGS, BURNINGS AND HUGE CRUCIFIXES!
ROAD RAGE!
AUTO-TERRORISTS 'CLAIM ROADS BACK FOR MOTORISTS' WITH MISSILE ATTACK ON SPEED CAMERAS! CHAOS AS ROADWORKS ATTACKED AND WORKMEN BEATEN UP BY MOTORISTS!
I WAS A HOMOSEXUAL FOR THE FBI!
AMAZING TRUE STORY OF INTREPID FBI AGENT'S FIGHT AGAINST PINK MENACE! PLOT TO TAKE JOHN WAYNE FROM BEHIND FOILED BY CLOSET HETERO!
BEAST WITH THE ATOM BELLY!
DEPUTY PREMIER FED RADIOACTIVE PIES TO CREATE GIANT APE CREATURE TO COMBAT TERRORIST-CONTROLLED MUTANT MONSTERS!
HIGH TEA OF THE LIVING DEAD!
PANIC SWEEPS BRITAIN AS FURIOUS PENSIONERS GO ON BLOODY RAMPAGE! CULL OF OVER SIXTIES PROPOSED AS YOUTHS ATTACKED BY RABID COFFIN-DODGERS!
CHRIST ALMIGHTY!
MESSIAH SIGNS TV DEAL AS SECOND COMING FLOPS! MIRACLES WIN PRIZES ON PROPOSED NEW GAME SHOW! CASH OFFERED FOR EVERY SINNER CONVERTED TO CHRIST ON LIVE TV!
CRAP CRUSADERS!
MILD MANNERED ALTER EGO SACKED FOR ABSENTEEISM AS SUPERHERO SAVES WORLD! ARE SUPER-POWERS BLESSING OR CURSE? UK'S TRAUMATISED CAPED CRUSADERS SPEAK OUT!
WINDS OF WAR!
FLATULENT FANATICS POSE MAJOR NEW THREAT TO BRITAIN! SUBWAY GAS ATTACK AVERTED AS SUSPECT'S ARSE CORKED IN NICK OF TIME!
BASHING THE BISHOP!
SEX, DRUGS AND HOLY COMMUNION! AMAZING ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLES OF BRITAIN'S 'BLING, BLING BISHOPS' EXPOSED - TOPLESS MODELS, TURF WARS AND FAST CARS!
GAME FOR A LAUGH!
CONTESTANTS FAKE ILLNESS AND MISFORTUNE FOR CASH IN NEW TV GAME SHOW! SERIOUS SOCIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT OR REALITY TV GONE TOO FAR?
BEATING AROUND THE BUSH!
ABU GHRAIB ABUSE SCANDAL SPREADS TO WHITE HOUSE AS SHOCKING NEW PHOTOS SHOW PRESIDENT HUMILIATED AND ABUSED BY AIDES!
DEAD FAMOUS!
PANIC GRIPS TINSEL TOWN AS CALIFORNIA DECLARES OPEN SEASON ON CELEBRITIES! GOVERNOR CLAIMS CULL IS ONLY HUMANE WAY TO CONTROL NUMBERS!
JEFFERSON PARK!
ROGUE RICHARD NIXON RUNS AMOK AS SINISTER PLOT TO CLONE PAST PRESIDENTS FOR THEME PARK REVEALED! ACADEMIC CHASED BY PACK OF WILD KENNEDYS!
THE PORN HUNTERS!
MEET THE MEN WHO HUNT DOWN ABANDONED SMUT IN BRITAIN'S BACK PASSAGES AND ALLEY WAYS! THRILL OF THE CHASE OR GUILTY PLEASURE?
LIVE AND LET DI!
DID PRINCESS DI PERISH IN SHOOT-OUT WITH POLICE AFTER TRANS-CONTINENTAL CRIME SPREE? WERE CASH-STRAPPED DODI AND DI A MODERN DAY BONNIE AND CLYDE?
TO THE DEVIL A DUBYA!
VATICAN DECLARES HOLY WAR ON WHITE HOUSE AS POPE BRANDS PRESIDENT BUSH THE ANTI-CHRIST! PRIESTS RECEIVE HOLY ORDERS TO KILL DUBYA!
BOY'S OWN STUFF!
AS RAUNCHY NEW LAD'S MAG LAUNCHES, 'THE SLEAZE' ASKS: MEN'S MAGAZINES - REDEFINING MASCULINITY FOR THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY OR JUST SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE PORN?
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